I thought Friday’s were suppose to be good!?

Today started off well. Really it did. I dropped the boys off at school. Then drove over to Jazzercise to drop off my registration (I joined, woohoo!)  and then I went to Walgreens to pick up a few prescriptions and all of the boys Valentine kits and such for school. Next, I dropped Jack off and headed to a doctor appointment. Well that’s when my day started turning shitty.

On New Years Eve I got sick as a dog with strep and then a few days later I broke out in this huge rash. No clue what the hell it is so I go to a doctor who thinks it’s a folliculitis infecton from shaving. Cept it’s on my back. Yeah, well I don’t fucking shave my back so why is it there!? He puts me on an antibiotic and says to come back if nothing changes. As many of you know I am working towards my nursing degree and I love to research things on the internet. So I did my own research and I think it looks exactly like Guttate Psoriasis. Its the only skin disorder associated with strep.  So because nothing has changed with my skin I had an appointment with my doctor today. He thinks its some form of excema so he sends me to a dermatologist who happens to have an opening immediately (like 10 minutes later) so I bust ass across town to get to her office.

When I finally get to see the doctor she says it’s Guttate Psoriasis. I thought that was kinda neat that my research proved correct. Maybe all my doubts about becoming a nurse are wrong and I’ll be a good nurse. Great. Now what?  She prescribes me a topical steroid that our pharmacy didn’t carry, of course and they had to special order for me. Then it hit me on my way home. She told me that  I may never get rid of this. Just like normal psoriasis it can stay with you for life.  It’s not the end of the world, I know. It’s just another bump in the road. An ugly bump in the road. Actually like 100's of ugly bumps in the road. I can’t even wear capri’s right now because my legs are covered in sores.  Right now I will admit that I am not at my greatest level of self esteem. I’m just not happy with myself right now and having this crap on my skin has brought my self esteem to an all time low.

So the other thing that is bothering me is during the appointment she biopsied a mole on my back that hurts. So that’s on my mind. I know a lot of my anxieties right now are linked to my mom’s death. I am turning 41 on May 3rd.. My mom died on her 41st birthday so of course for the past 26 years since her death I have had a fear of dying before I turn 41. I know that a lot of my fears right now are based on her death and I am hoping that this will pass once May 4th comes. Not May 3rd because I have to live past my own birthday. 

I also know that psoriasis can be triggered by weight (in woman, thanks!) and stress. And of course I am overweight and overstressed and need to make some serious changes in my life. I start Jazzercise Monday and have to work on the other areas of my life. 

I know that things could be worse, I know that. I really do. And I try so to thankful for all that I have. Today’s just not my day. Maybe tomorrow I will have a better perspective of things.